NLP & Rapport
NLP Rapport is...
In NLP we consider rapport to
be the sense of harmony, recognition and mutual acceptance that exists between people when they are at ease with one another and where communication is occurring easily.
aim to have rapport with someone?
When we are in rapport with someone
the similarities between us are emphasised and the differences are minimised
or played down. This works because people like people
who are like themselves. Like likes like.
This is why
we usuallygravitate towards people that we
consider similar to us. so this process of emphasising
the similarities between us and another person is really the essential basis for successful communication - if there is no rapport there is
no real communication.
Rapport as a skill
rather than a lucky result
We naturally and effortlessly
experience rapport with close friends or with
peoplewith whom we share an intense common interest.
In such circumstances it occurs effortlessly and
Nevertheless the ability to create rapport is a
skill that can be learned and which we can use
to facilitate our relationship with anybody, in any setting, and even with those with whom we profoundly disagree.
How to use this
There are many ways of creating rapport.
In three of the most effective to create rapport
Subtly match non-verbal communication - especially voice patterns and eye contact patterns
Develop a genuine interest in the other person and in their model of the world.
Use the Pegasus NLP 4 Rs.
1. Matching non-verbal communication
Create non-verbal rapport using the sound of your voice and your eye contact pattern is the quickest and most useful way to begin.
It's quite simple - you just
aim to approximate the
sound of their voice and the way in which they create eye contact.
(It's not necessary to do so but if you really
want to make it complicated you can introduce Pacing and Leading
into how you create rapport.
Here's how it works.
you match them i.e.
you subtly match their non-verbal behaviour. This is
often called 'Pacing'.
After a minute or so of doing this you will probably have established
rapport but, in traditional NLP, you now want to verify that you have
definitely got rapport. So you now change your behaviour in some
small way in order to see if the, in turn, change theirs. they will
normally ddo this within 20 to 50 seconds. If they do this is 'proof'
that you are in rapport. And this is called "Leading".)
In general, aim to do as little as is
necessary to achieve rapport. You are aiming to be
subtle and to create rapport without this process intruding into the
person's conscious awareness.
Note: we strongly recommend that you never,
ever, ever, match body language such as the person's posture, gestures,
movements, etc. This mechanical process is too obvious and in most
cases will quickly be recognised as a manipulative process - and,
Develop a genuine interest in them
is one of the most effective ways of creating rapport.
Here rapport occurs because of your genuine interest in
their model of the world.
3. Use the
Pegasus NLP 4 Rs
Pegasus 4 Rs
approach is an attitude rather than a technique. it
involves aiming to ensure that, in their relationship with us, the other
person experiences a sense of
They feel that they are respected as unique and equal-with-us
Their experience is that we are recognising their verbal and
their non-verbal communication and appropriately responding to
each of these channels
Their relationship, and their interaction, with us is
experienced as unthreatening especially at the level of Self
Their experience of communicating with us is effortless and
seamless – because we are acting "responsibly" in that we are
varying our means of communicating with them to make it easier
for them, should they want to do so, to relate with us.
What works best in rapport?
By all means use Method 1 if you are in the
early stages of developing your NLP skills. Or if you are learning the
skills via the web or from a book.
As your level of
skill increases in using some of the more subtle
NLP processes such as recognising and responding
to body language, using
Soft Eyes, using calibration skills, etc.
aim to use Methods 2 and
3 alongside one another.
By Reg Connolly,
Director of Training, Pegasus NLP
There is more information about NLP here
Why learn NLP
How to learn NLP
Where to learn NLP - and how to choose a training provider
NLP Core Skills - our course in the New Forest
What's special about Pegasus NLP Trainings
What people have said about our courses
How we integrate NLP with outdoor activities