Is NLP just ‘a technique’?

NLP is not a technique

‘The NLP Technique’ I’m amazed at the number of individuals, websites and blogs which describe NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming as a set of techniques or, even worse and from a recent national newspaper headline in which NLP is described as ‘a technique’! Over 40 years ago, back in the early to mid 70’s, Richard Bandler,…

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Weasel Words – do they mean it? Do you mean it?

Cop our or weasel words

Those cop-out or weasel words In NLP we aim to be very thorough in how we communicate with people – and, especially, in how we understand them. Because we want to get both their surface message and their underlying or real messages – it’s the difference, sometimes, between what a person says and what they…

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Tiredness and the ‘10% New’ challenge

Introduce change - 10% New every day or two

Mind, mood and our ‘energy levels’ It’s amazing how powerfully our moods can impact our vitality. And how our gloomy or negative moods can quickly blend into one another to become our attitude. And how this attitude soon affects our physical feelings – and in particular our vitality or ‘energy levels’. It’s because mind and…

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How to remember names – 2 Steps

“Sorry, I’ve forgotten your name!” That was me. Speaking to Jacqui yesterday! I’d just met her. At the time we were house-hunting and she, as an estate agent, had arrived to show us around the house-for-sale. She had introduced herself less than a minute earlier. She had even given me her business card – which…

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Put yourself, and others, at ease – with your eyes

Soft Eyes: how to use your eyes to relax yourself - and others

Those really awkward conversations… Have you ever been in one of those awkward situations where – you feel tense, – the other person is tense and, as the stilted conversation continues, – things become more and more tense and uncomfortable for both of you? This ‘conversational tension’ was the bane of my life in my early days as…

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Petty People in the workplace

Petty People at work Petty People like to divide and conquer – to play the ‘enemies and allies’ game. In their eyes, you’re either with them or against them.  Side with them and life is fine. Disagree with them and they’ll aim to make life miserable for you.  With Petty People you’re either with them…

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How to have a ‘negative attitude’

How to have a negative attitude

How we create our moods Here in England it’s almost a national pastime, complaining about the weather, that is. Shakespeare said that nothing was good or bad – thinking made it so! And 800 years ago Wumen Huikai’s had a view about our attitude towards the weather… In spring, hundreds of flowers In autumn, a…

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NLP and Rapport: the risky NLP body language method!

Rapport: an old, risky NLP method

How not to create rapport: mirroring One traditional, and risky, way of using NLP to create rapport is by matching a person’s body language. In NLP we call this process matching or ‘mirroring’ So if I use mirroring to get into rapport with you I could match your behaviour in one or more ways. I…

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Which is your ‘favourite’ stress mode?

Virginia Satir's 4 Stress Modes

  The ‘Satir Stress Modes’ Virginia Satir identified that we move into one or more of 4 modes of behaviour and reaction when under pressure – we blame others, or placate them, or distract their attention, or become cool/cold and super-reasonable. The Blamer: in Blamer mode we find fault with anyone and everyone – except…

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Attitude, work and TGIF

Let's just get through the week!

We can choose our attitude… Fed up with your job? In a dead end with no immediate way out? We can’t all have Instagram Lives, all of the time! But we can always be in charge of how we deal with the life we have. We can always be in charge ofour attitude towards what’s…

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Conversation Hijackers

the conversational hijacker

Spot the conversation hijack! It’s become a morning sporting event; spot the hijack! One of our local radio stations has a presenter who is a master of the conversation hijack. He can turn any topic around to himself in seconds: conversation with the weather or traffic or business support team, interview with a guest, or…

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What to do when you’re put on the spot!

Those Rabbit in the Headlights moments - when you're put on the spot

Those ‘Rabbit in the headlights’ moments What to do when you’re ‘put on the spot’ The ‘Rabbit in the Headlights’ moments Most of us have been there from time to time.  Some of us find ourselves there all-too-frequently. You’re put on the spot – you’re suddenly challenged. Or accused. Or questioned. Or required to explain…

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How to free yourself from an old habit

Freedom from Bad Habits - action steps

How to free yourself from a ‘bad habit’ A bad habit is just a means to an end. It’s a way of having certain feelings. Or avoiding other feelings. Or both. It’s a way of managing your mood – and we looked at this in Part 1 of this article “Bad Habits do a good…

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Bad Habits Do a Good Job

Bad habits go a good job!

Bad habits usually do a good job! Many of us spend a lot of time trying to get rid of bad habits. It works like this. You decide a long-held habit is ‘bad’ and no longer acceptable – a habit such as smoking, putting things off, eating/snacking, retail therapy, or talking too much. Then the…

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No Rapport? No Relationship!

No Rapport? No Relationship!

Thanks for that introduction! I can’t remember, right now, who introduced me to the NLP expert, but one day we’ll meet again… 🙂 The expert was very into the ‘personal power school of NLP’. My knuckles ached for a little while once I managed to extricate my hand from the handshake. I noticed, while doing…

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6 ways to practice (or practise) your NLP skills

I practise - I become skilled

In developing your NLP skill the old saying ‘I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand’ applies. Actually, when it comes to skill, as opposed to mere knowledge about NLP, this piece of wisdom from Confucius is incomplete. We need to add “… I practice and I become skilled”. Because it’s not enough to just do it once and decide you understand – you have to keep doing it until it becomes an automatic (or unconscious) part of your behaviour.

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Worrying: Mental Rehearsal for Failure

Worry = Mental Rehearsal for failure

Worry: Mental Rehearsal for failure Worrying is normal. We all to do it, at times. We worry about how we’ll handle an important event, such as a job interview, presentation or appraisal. Or exam. Sports or arts performance. And the more important this event, the more worried we become… We imagine we’ll forget things, or…

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Professional Guild of NLP (2004-2017)

The Professional Guild of NLP was founded in 2004 by a number of NLP training organisations.  It was an independent membership-owned body which supported professional standards of training in NLP. Member organisations agreed to a code of ethics, a core syllabus, and to a minimum length of training. The Professional Guild of NLP was set…

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The 10 Steps to Highly Effective Hating!

How to hate peole - 7 steps to highly effective hating

You have to be careful if you want to be good at hating people. For example, you must take care not to get to know them. This could spoil everything. If you get to know someone you could easily be side-tracked into seeing them as humans like yourself and even as likeable.

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Strong Leaders Create Weak Followers

Strong leaders create weak followers

The new team forms On the Low Ropes course you are part of a small group of 5-8 people who have to resolve a number of non-strenuous team challenges and problem-solving activities and, ideally, become a team in the process. You don’t know one another – you’ve met for the first time about 3 1/2…

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No surprises, please! Keep it the same…

The sameness (routine) or Difference variety) NLP Meta Programme

  The NLP Meta Programme of ‘Sameness’ Some of us prefer ‘sameness’ patterns – we like to do the same thing over and over again. For example, do you tend to Shop in the same supermarket? Use the same route to work – or to the gym? Dress much the same as you did 10…

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If you believe you can’t, you’re right

If you believe you can't.... you're right! If you believe you can - you'll have a go!

How do you respond to challenges? I can do this!   or   I can’t do this! Some people approach challenges or unfamiliar situations with Possibility Thinking – others with Impossibility Thinking. Each attitude directly affects your thinking and your actions… as well as the results you get. Henry Ford is supposed to have said something…

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Influence: getting your own way…?

Influence - dominance or cooperation

The cold call: how not to sell The cold call, or unsolicited sales call, was a fascinating example of how not to sell. Normally I politely refuse to continue with such calls but I wasn’t particularly busy when he phoned so I let him talk on, curious to discover how the carefully rehearsed sales pitch…

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Be careful with WHY? questions

Be careful with Why? questions

Treat ‘Why?’ as an attack question! We pay a lot of attention to words in NLP. We think about: What’s the thinking behind the words and comments How they impact people The intention behind them – why they are used. For example, take that little word WHY?  Harmless enough, isn’t it? After all, it’s a little word…

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Reframe life’s setbacks

Stay flexible - reframe events to suit you

Sorry, we’ve got to change your appointment My quarterly appointment with the dental hygienist was at 11:40 AM today. The practice is about 30 minutes away so I was due to leave at about 11 AM.  And I got a phone call from the receptionist at 9:40 AM to say that she was ‘ever so…

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“Science says” … Let babies cry themselves to sleep…???

Scientific research as reported by the media

a It’s ‘scientifically proven!’ – it must be TRUE And, yes, the above quotation is correct – or, at least, is accurately quoted.. Which is not quite the same thing. ‘Science’ says that letting babies cry themselves to sleep is a good thing… If you believe the news of recent ‘scientific research’. If you forget…

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Low Self-Confidence is an accident…

low self confidence - action steps

We don’t decide to have low self-confidence We develop the Low Self-Confidence habit when we’re very young, almost invariably. It usually begins as a result of how people treat us and communicate with us – plus how we make sense of things which happen to us.  Once begun, the habit is maintained by how we think about…

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