The Get it Right attitude (2)

In Part 1 we looked at the way the Get it Right attitude works and I suggested having a think about how it works in your own life and what it’s cost you to date.

If you’ve done this you’ll be aware of the lost opportunities resulting from it; those ‘if only’ moments when the need to Get It Right held you back or sabotaged you.

‘Get it Right’ is stressful, too

Another less-obvious effect is how stressful and tiring this attitude can be: all that thinking, the evaluating of risks, the seeking to avoid mistakes

Yes but what if I got it wrong?’

Me? I couldn’t do that – they’d laugh at me!

I just can’t face another failure!

I couldn’t be the best – so what’s the point?

They’d criticise me – after all, they’ve already told me I’m not up to it!

The attitude is like an invisible ball and chain which hold us back, keeps us ‘in our place’, sabotages our enthusiasm and stresses and tires us.

What to do about it?

The first step is not to try to figure how or why we have this. Nor how long we have had it. Nor who’s fault it is that we believe this. That would be the traditional counselling approach.

The NLP approach to dealing with obstacles and difficulties is quite different.

(1)    In NLP we first get very clear about what we don’t want to be experiencing. We call this the Present State.

(2)    Having done this we then jump to determining what we want instead. We call this the Desired State.

(3)    Then we look at what needs to happen for the person to get from the unwanted Present to the Desired State.

The NLP approach to personal change is straightforward, quite systematic and pragmatic. It saves a lot of time – and a lot money (endlessly exploring the roots of a problem can take years – and be expensive).

Having identified what you don’t want and what you want instead in Step 3 we work out how to move from the Present State (the uncomfortable one) to the Desired State (the attractive one). And we will look at this in Part 3 of this series, in a few days time.

Have a Go! instead of Get it Right?

To identify your Desired State imagine you could dump the Get it Right Attitude right now. Magically and effortlessly.

Imagine you’ve just taken a one-off, fully organic, GM-free, no-side-effects tablet and in seconds your emotional compulsion to be perfect is gone forever. And it’s replaced with the Have a go! attitude.

From now on you’re happy to just give something a go. If it works out well, that’s fine. And if it doesn’t work out, well, so be it – you simply look at how you could have had a go differently, take the lesson on board, and move on.

Life becomes simpler

Do you paint? Or create  music? Or write? Or do something else creative? Okay, think about how your life would be different if

• you could just do a painting – and finish it. And then recognise that, of course you could have done it better now that you can see the flaws in your finished work, but that can wait for the next painting
• you create or compose or write the song or piece of music and you just put it out there. You let people hear or play it, knowing it’s not your best because, as a result of doing it, you can now do even better
• you write the article or book and then tweak it till you’re reasonably satisfied with it – and then ‘publish and be dammed!’

The alternative is not foolhardiness

There’s an important difference between freedom from the Get it Right attitude and an impetuous foolhardy approach to life.

With Get it Right we’re focused on the need to fully and flawlessly succeed and, especially, on the consequences of failing. This is what prevents us from having a go.

In the foolhardy approach we ‘just do it’. We blunder in without a realistic strategy and without considering the likely outcomes.

Imagine a continuum with one attitude at either end. The Have a Go attitude will be somewhere around the mid-point.

What difference will the Have a Go attitude make?

This is your second action point. Think about the next 12 months and all the things you’d have a go at if you had this freedom. All the experiments you’d make. And, yes, all the risks you’d take.

You could also think about all the improvements you’d achieve in your skills through learning from those Have a Go moments which didn’t work out as you’d have liked.

And you could contemplate how much less stressful and more carefree would your life be. How much it would contribute to mental ease and peace of mind if you’d put behind you the endless computing of possible consequences for everything.

Do this between now and reading the next article in a few days time. This about how this attitude would impact on how you function

• At work
• At Home
• Socially
• In sport and exercise
• In your personal life.

That’s it for now.