“I’m feeling overwhelmed”

No less than three people (friends, relatives, colleagues) – in one day (today, that is) have said to me that they felt ‘stressed’ and they each described their experience in different ways

(1) overwhelmed by everything

(2) buckling under the pressure and

(3) really stressed out.

Wanting to help

Most of us, in such a situation, feel a natural urge to alleviate their pain and help them out.

So we run into the nearest (remaining) telephone booth and change into our Superman/Superwoman outfit and move into… Advice Giving Mode!

Now as Super-Helper we begin telling them how to live their lives better! 

Well, after all, the advice (sometimes/often/occasionally) works for us and, even if we’ve never actually tried it, we’ve read about it in a book or heard about it on a course and it sounded really good!

Sound familiar?

Advice giving is potentiality harmful

Advice giving is easy. It’s also, personally, very satisfying – especially if the other person goes off and follows your advice – whether or not it works for them.

At least they’ve recognised your superior wisdom and, in doing so, boosted your ego. And given you a nice cosy, reassuring sense of being needed.

But what about them? How do you know that your advice (which might or might not work for you) is tailor-made to suit them? Or, in NLP terms, is tailored to suit their way of thinking and their model of the world?

Because if it isn’t tailored to suit them then one of at least four things can result

1. It works perfectly for them, which is actually a quite rare phenomenon
2. It doesn’t work for them and they stop using it
3. It doesn’t work for them but, because of their respect for you, they think the fault lies with them – so they not only have the original problem but they now have lowered confidence and self esteem
4. It doesn’t work for them but, because of their respect for you, they keep trying to make it work rather than seek a solution which would work better for them.

None of these results have empowered the advice-receiver.

So what’s the Pegasus NLP approach?

Here in Pegasus NLP we are curious to understand how somebody does something – anything, just about!

We want to understand how they are able to do something excellently such as archery or table tennis or rock climbing. Or, and with equal fascination, we want to understand how they are able to overwhelm themselves or buckle under pressure or make themselves feel stressed.

Because us NLPers are, ideally, modellers.

We are quite fascinated by how people do things -irrespective of whether what they do is useful or unuseful in their lives.

Modelling “unuseful” skills

Now in terms of  “people-helping” this modelling approach can be a very useful and empowering process for the other person

True ’empowerment’

The person who has skills they are pleased with can benefit from the modelling process by discovering ways of improvng their performance. The person who currently has difficulties or “unuseful” skills can get to recognise how they unknowingly or while on ‘automatic pilot’ make themselves unhappy uneasy – and for this latter gfroup this is an empowering process.

First of all, we are not treating them as broken people who need fixing or as victims or as weak sufferers. We are genuinely interested in how they are currently using their skills to make themselves unhappy – and, with them, are actively seeking ways in which they can help them to use their own skills to do the opposite.

Next, if I can help you recognise how the ways in which you currrently think about the events in your life caes you to feel “overwhelmed”  then, between us, we can figure out how you can think about and deal with these unwelcome events in a manner which enables you to feel proactive, or empowered, or confident, or clearheaded, or whatever!

And that’s helluva lot better than telling you how to live your life.