Why do people sometimes seem to be their own worst enemies?
They eat too much, drink too much, work too hard etc. despite advice and evidence that it is not good for them. Despite the trouble it causes. Despite the side effects. Despite, in some cases, even the threat of losing their liberty.
This is the subject of the latest Pegasus NLP Newsletter: http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/nlp_newsletter_current.htm
The answer? What they are doing is the best means they currently have of fulfilling important values i.e. of experiencing welcome feelings and avoiding unwelcome feelings. And as long as they don’t have better alternative routes to fulfillment of these values they are unlikely to change their behaviour – or, at best, to change it for very long.
Hi Reg, Question: How many Therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
In common with many other people I handed on the skills of lecturing from my parents to my children, then found my eldest daughter was doing the same, even though the same lectures had been wasted on her. It seems to be a common problem, especially with the English. Lectures and punishment rather than incentive and praise for effort and success.
I found the incentive to change was being able to use less energy and my daughter is now able to put her energy to better use. The energy I save I now put to use in finding out what motivates a person in what they are doing and what would help them to do something that has a better result.
Thank you Reg for your part in educating me to to do the self evaluation and get the skills to help others help themselves to get a better result.
Hi Margarita: And yet the ‘lecturing style’ seems to be almost impossible to avoid as a parent – it’s quicker and you can always relie on ‘do as you’re told’, at least for the first few years 🙂