People who are ‘going to’ have a great future
The next Pegasus NLP Newsletter will be out shortly. It will be about people who have their ‘future on wheels’. The ones (unlike you or I!) who talk a great talk about the wonderful future they are going to have. But who never seem to get any nearer to it.
The ‘future on wheels’ pattern is a sort of never-never approach to life!
People who have this trait know what they want in great detail – but never seem to get any nearer their goals. If they’ve done NLP they’ll have ‘NLP well-designed outcomes’ or goals – but that’s about it. The outcomes seem to stay the same distance ahead of them as they progress through life – their future is on wheels.
Alibis and distractions
This is a preliminary list of ‘future on wheels’ strategies or traits that I’ve come across
- Avoid adventure: play safe, stay in your Comfort Zone, don’t stress yourself or take chances
- Be ‘realistic’: imagine the bother and the risk of doing anything – at least until the time is right
- Live in your fantasy: imagine the future as if it is happening right now. By living in, or associating with, the future you have the nice feelings right now without having to do anything to make them happen.
- Imagine you have unlimited time: there’s no hurry – you know what you want – but the time isn’t quite right just now
- Always put others first: put their needs first – yours aren’t important enough
- Be too busy: make sure you’re always doing the urgent things – not important ones!
- Be too tired: live a chaotic life so you never have the vitality to do those important things
- Watch lots of telly: it’s a great way of numbing the brain
- Drink lots of alcohol: numb your critical thinking so you don’t have to think about bothersome things
- Mix with like-minded friends: they’ll support your attitude
- Mix with pessimistic friends: similar to #10 but can be even more powerful – mix with pessimists who know it’s all the fault of the government, genes, the economy, etc
- Blame others for the life you have: Your parents, teachers, children, spouse, etc are the reason why you find it so hard to get to your goals
- Resent people who are actively creating their future: Because we all know ‘They just got lucky breaks, etc.’
(I’m sure this is not an exhaustive list. If you’ve got a favourite – or come across one in others – let’s hear it. Add a comment to the end of this article.)
Is your future ‘on wheels’?
Here’s a simple test. Think back over the past couple of weeks and look at what you have actually done to create the future you want for yourself. What practical steps have you taken?
Lots? Great. You’re on your way.
None? Because you were too busy? Bad time of the year? Lots going on at home or at work? Actually, it doesn’t matter whay you haven’t been able to do anything… The reality is that your future is dependent on what you do today, did yesterday, and will do tomorrow – not what you are going to do some day.
Let’s think… how does that old saying go…?
‘If not you, who? If not now, when?’
OMG…I recognise many of these in myself, and number 5 has especially HUGE resonance for me.
I would add:
– listening to the opinions of people who don’t want you to change (be aware of their agenda);
– deciding you are “too old” to achieve the things you want (“it’s too late now”);
– doing “stuff” that looks like development, but is really a diversion from the path that you allow to distract you.
Thanks for those 3 additions, Clare.
(It’s a slightly different topic, I know, but your third one reminded me of a pattern of mine: it’s a sure sign I’m putting off immediate-but-unpleasant tasks when I tidy the office or, in extreme cases, polish the desk…)
For me it’s so number 4 ‘Imagine you have unlimited time’. I’m always doing this unless someone else sets or enforces a deadline on/for me. When it comes to deadlines I set for myself I always rationalise why I can move it forward or it can wait till later!
Hi Reg, yes I also recognise many of those, particularly 6.
How about
– getting started on your goal once everything else in life is straightened out and as it should be!!
Looking forward to the newsletter
Mel
Hi Mel: your extra one really got me l.o.l. – it is so true for so many of us!!
The traits listed do sound somewhat familiar but I’ve chosen not to do them any more.
One (and there were many) of the big “learnings” for me at the NLP Core Skills course was the realisation that so much of what I do or don’t do is a choice that I make and just because I used to make one choice it doesn’t mean I have to choose that next time.
Any way nice article and useful reminders of those traps that await us…
An extension of Mel’s point is a double bind or catch 22 that goes, for example, like this:
I avoid going out as nuch as I can because I’m in such bad shape and I don’t want people to see me;
I need to go for a run, a walk or to the gym and that means going out but I can’t do that until I’m in better shape.
Graham – I really had to laugh at your catch 22 example, exactly why I used to put off going to the pool! I have an even sillier one though…. which is “not wearing the clothes I like the best because then they will wear out and I won’t have them anymore” hee hee!
Clare – Brilliant! So simple yet so poignant. I’ll add that one to my list of all time great self-defeating mind games.
Reg:
May 28, 2010 at 9:05 am
” Thanks for those 3 additions, Clare.
(It’s a slightly different topic, I know, but your third one reminded me of a pattern of mine: it’s a sure sign I’m putting off immediate-but-unpleasant tasks when I tidy the office or, in extreme cases, polish the desk…)”
Just a quick reframe on that Reg, preparitory work perhaps, for the real task to be done. Just my perspective of course as I love to hate housework. I do find it can be used as thinking time or down time to free up a stuck problem.
Hi Margaret: I agree re prep/thinking time and rituals. And, for me, the latter can often be a side benefit.
Hi Reg, The first time I connected Kinesthetic movement with movement of thought was on the Practitioner Course at Avon Tyrill and later at Swannage. Now I use it as a technique when stuck with a mental problem or when painting and not going where I want with the picture. Of course sometimes we do this out of frustration, go for a coffee, but much more effective to use the knowledge to move things along more and often earlier than we might have done previously.
Hi Margaret: interesting timeing for your comment – I’m currently doing a series of articles along the lines “Is NLP just for good visualisers?”. Which it isn’t – though in some approaches to NLP you might be forgiven for thinking it is.
And, as you have mentioned, one of the things we’ve developed at Pegasus NLP is an approach to NLP that suits different styles of thinking – such as Kinaesthetic thinking – so that people with quite different natural approaches can use it in ways that are right for them.
Some people think things through by means of self talk.
Others like to sound things out.
Yet others like to sort out their mental pictures.
And still others like to…. move about, or move on, or just move! 🙂