There are articles on Goals and Values on our main website
Goals and Values – your hot buttons (1) http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/nlp_and_values1.htm
Goals and Values – your hot buttons (2) http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/nlp_and_values2.htm
Goals or Dreams (1) http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/goals_or_dreams_1.htm
Goals or Dreams (2) http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/goals_achieve_them_2.htm
People who are going to have a great future http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/nlp_future_on_wheels.htm
NLP in Selling: http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/nlp_sales.htm
Using stress to motivate http://www.nlp-now.co.uk/nlp_live_your_dream.htm
This is a great series of articles (as usual).
Step 3 and 4 I have sometimes found difficult. If someone is generally on track in life this is probably quite easy, as overall it’s likely to be a series of adjustments in direction they will be making. For some, such as those whos lives are significantly out of kilter with perhaps where they would like their lives to be, it can be hard. In such cases, how do you know what you want when you are habitually in a situation you’re not happy with? It’s too easy to get caught in a trap of away from motivations and can be hard to find the towards feelings and things you want in life.
I recently spoke to someone who said “everyone knows what they want, however, perhaps some find it hard to actually say it, even to themselves”. I think this is a really good point. You have to know in yourself what is congruent for Steps 3 & 4, and you have to be prepared to accept that. Some people seem to find this very hard, as it may mean major changes in life – giving up a job or relationship for instance – which can be an emotional situation they don’t want to go through.
So for me, for Steps 3 & 4, congruency is the key word and there needs to be a level of honesty and integrity to yourself in this – not those around you, not the situations you are in, etc. For some people I have found this can be hard. I don’t know how else to help such people or to explain it any more than that.
Anyone else found this or have a view?
Cheers,
Jamie
Good points, Jamie, and ones I have often come across. There are two keys to Steps 3 & 4. (1) Make the Ideal Day at least 5-10 years in the future – so you can forget about the current realities and simply focus on what would be nice to have going on in your life.
Now, because it is so far into the future you don’t need to be ‘realistic’ and (2) it is so far from you you can just day dream – you know, living on tropical island, your yacht in the bay, perfect health, great company, ideal relationship, etc etc.
It is not the fantasy contents that are important – it’s what they tell you about your values. It’s about which values you’d ‘really’ like to be living 🙂
Interesting how I have found myself avoiding the ‘values’ work over the last couple of days. Finally, I decided to go for a walk this morning, and did some ‘daydreaming’.
Firstly I noticed how I started to follow a pattern of ‘you’re not doing this properly Jonny’ I also noticed lots of away from motivations. Curiously I felt quite deflated after sometime, almost as if coming back to the ‘now’ made me aware of what was missing in my life, right now.
I was able to look upon the present with some disassociation, which helps. Having just done another session of daydreaming, I have this time learnt to ‘let go’ not try to daydream, just noticing what comes up. Although I know this stuff, it still helps to remind myself, rapport with yourself Jonny, rapport with yourself!
I have also realised it is helpful to be aware of what status I give to the exercises one does, especially this one! By lowering the expectation, just having a play, some magic moments rise to the top. Great point Reg – make it workable! I have previously mastered the art of creating so much to do / achieve, implementing unrealistic timescales to do it, and battering myself when I don’t hit my goals, all that roled up with some pure procrastination!
So it really helps me to break stuff down, and achieve some things well! I have also set my ‘RAS’ for noticing whats important to me, some interesting stuff coming up throughout the day without even conciously thinking about it. Reg – The series of blogs has really provided some great guidance, prefectly timed and brilliant content!
Jonny
Yes, relaxing into it and thus not pressurising ourselves is a key part of this. Once there’s no stress or rush the inner, or unconscious, mind can do a better job of letting us use the fantasising or day dreaming to identify what really we really value.
Ah yes, it is worth noting the timescales involved and that this is more a fantasy used to unearth desired beliefs, values and feelings. Thanks for that point, that helps unlock the sort of blockers that I brought up.
This is probably a really key point to some people to be aware of. If there are things in a persons life that they are very strongly attached to, yet they are experiencing as a blocker or inhibitor to having the life they really want, then taking time to make this clear to them and that the Ideal Day can be more fantasy should help. I guess there is skill in presenting this in the right way.
So, I’ve done the top seven values. I have found it quite confusing at some points throughout the process. I did not feel ‘definite’ about the values I had picked out as my top seven, almost doubting what I had selected. I questioned whether I was making this stuff up, are they really my values, how do I know?
Also. I ask the question – am I living my values? How do I motivate myself to do so? Working at the top of the old logical levels can’t half be a stretch!
Jonny
The ‘definite’ test, when it come to our emotions, is usually recognised by a feeling that something in some way “feels” right… And that’s about as much ‘definitness’ as we’re likely to get – because this is an emotional rather than intellectual or rational process.
That said, you could take your Top 7 and then fantasise or imagine a day in a few years time when you are engaging in activities that fulfills each of them… If that feels good you’re probably on track.
And remember that you can always change your Top 7 in a few weeks or a few months time – and simply re-jig your goals.
Hello,
Very interesting thoughts and comments which I have enjoyed reading.
I do a fair bit of value elicitation on myself and people I work with and more specifically listing them in a hierarchy of importance, I have noticed that people find this incredibly difficult to do, myself included.
I suppose the question is How do you set about putting your or coaching others to list their core values in order of importance?
Yes, creating the hierarchy sometimes tends to be a bit of stretch.
First thing to remain clear about is that we’re after an approximation i.e. It doesn’t matter hugely if, say, “excitement” is number three or number five – just that it’s in the Top 7 – and that we keep that Top 7 current and simmering by checking in on it once a week or so.
Next, there are two main ways of creating the actual hierarchy: (1) what “has to” be in the Top 7 and (2) what can be jettisoned because it’s not important enough to me to be in the Top 7.
I prefer the first way and that’s why we use this one in the NLP Practitioner Part 2 Programme. (you may remember that’s the one where we used the Genie and the Lamp game to identify the top values…)