Those ‘good eye contact’ myths It would have been funny… .. if it weren’t so sad. He was trying really hard – the electrical goods salesman. He’d come through the one-size-fits-all school of communication skills in which he’d learned a few rules for how to create rapport with people. And he was sticking to those rules. […]
Those ‘good eye contact’ myths Read More »
You can ‘try’ or you can ‘do’. If you’re going to do it you’ll say “Yes, I’ll do it!” If you don’t want to commit yourself, or you want to give yourself wriggle room, you’ll say something like “Okay, I’ll try and do it…” Let’s try… Take this common situation… You have a chance meeting
The word ‘try’ – use it with caution Read More »
Carelessness can destroy relationships. The ‘people side of things’. Up until my early twenties, I did have trouble with the ‘people side of things’. Yes, I liked being with people but, except with a small group of close friends, I found general socialising uncomfortable. Nowadays, with the insight and perspective offered by NLP, I recognise
Closeness and carelessness in relationships Read More »
Sulking: getting the Silent Treatment! Oh, he’s just having one of his sulks – best to ignore him. If she doesn’t get what she wants, she goes into a sulk – forever! There’s no point in trying to talk with them – they’re in a sulk! Living, or working closely, with a sulker isn’t much
Sulking: getting the silent treatment Read More »
Think about a few recent conversations… A social one, not a business or work conversation. Okay, now replay the conversation in your mind – and consider: who, not what, did you talk about? About them? About you? Or a fair mix of each. Who did you talk about? How much interest did they show in
A litmus test for friendship? Read More »
I am prepared to admit that my favourite, and only, soap opera is The Archers on BBC Radio 4. (The programme has been on air since January 1951 though I’ve only been a fan since the mid-seventies!) Nearly 30 years ago Jill Archer, the matriarch of the family, was advising one of her troubled offspring
“The Archers” – Jill’s wisdom! Read More »
How those ‘not interested’ messages work. There are lots of subtle messages hidden in everyday conversations – even in seemingly light-hearted chit-chat! Some of these are verbal. Some, most even, are non verbal and these can be powerful. They can dismiss the value of your contribution. They can undermine your standing in the relationship –
Are you getting the ‘not interested’ treatment! Read More »
They need to look away to think. In conversation, lots of people need to look away to think. On the other hand, lots of other people get upset if their speaking partner doesn’t maintain continuous eye contact during a conversation! This thing about who looks at whom can cause a fair bit of confusion. I
That ‘look at me when I’m speaking to you’ rule Read More »
Conversational power tactic #2 The “aggressive agree-ers” seem to be on your side. After all, they agree with you! But they do it a bit too enthusiastically; so much so that you quickly lose your train of thought. How do they do it? As you are speaking, they maintain a steady flow of “yes, yes,
Aggressive agreement! Read More »
Conversational power tactic #1 People who use silence as a weapon in conversation want an audience. But they don’t like to be the audience. So, they’ll discourage you from making your own contributions to the conversation or interrupting their flow. How? Each time you attempt to contribute, they respond with… silence. This is usually accompanied
Using silence to control you Read More »
Falling out of love – and then back in again Reading time 6 mins The first flush of love is great. It’s that heady and almost insane time when we think of each other all the time. When the world and everyone in it looks wonderful. When we’re nice to everyone – and, so, they’re
Falling out of love – and in again Read More »
Good intentions aren’t good enough… “It’s not what you do…” The Fats Waller song goes T’Ain’t What You Do (It’s The Way That Cha Do It)… And it’s good advice when applied to communicating because, as we explore in NLP, it’s not just what you say that counts. How you say it can be more important. Even
NLP and ‘good intentions’ Read More »
Falling in – and then out of love I was standing outside a store at a shopping precinct near Bournemouth, idly looking at the people moving about among the rows of parked cars. Gradually I became aware of an animated conversation between two approaching people. The strident, complaining male voice was heard first and then
You’re not perfect anymore Read More »
