Perfectionism: a recipe for endless dissatisfaction The perfectionist wants everything they do to be perfect. Flawless. Beyond criticism… The perfectionist is never satisfied with their results. Whatever they achieve they quickly decide they could have done better – and should have done better, in fact. They do not have an ‘it’s good enough – let’s…

You’re just perfect! We look at the “falling into and out of love” pattern on our NLP Core Skills course. It goes like this: We meet someone we like Get to know them better And, as a result, begin to fall in love with them This creates a filtering process in which we recognise more…

The branch was in the way There’s a lot of rubble to get rid of so I ordered a skip from the local company. We’d used them a few times before but this time they said they wouldn’t be able to negotiate the narrow corner because their new lorry was higher and wider and a…

If you always do what you’ve always done you always get what you’ve always got This is a saying which we use a lot in NLP: “if you always do what you’ve always done you always get what you’ve always got.” By the way, the slogan is not exclusive to NLP. It’s one of the ways…

‘The NLP Technique’ I’m amazed at the number of individuals, websites and blogs which describe NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming as a set of techniques or, even worse and from a recent national newspaper headline in which NLP is described as ‘a technique’! Over 40 years ago, back in the early to mid 70’s, Richard Bandler,…

Those cop-out or weasel words In NLP we aim to be very thorough in how we communicate with people – and, especially, in how we understand them. Because we want to get both their surface message and their underlying or real messages – it’s the difference, sometimes, between what a person says and what they…

Mind, mood and our ‘energy levels’ It’s amazing how powerfully our moods can impact our vitality. And how our gloomy or negative moods can quickly blend into one another to become our attitude. And how this attitude soon affects our physical feelings – and in particular our vitality or ‘energy levels’. It’s because mind and…

“Sorry, I’ve forgotten your name!” That was me. Speaking to Jacqui yesterday! I’d just met her. At the time we were house-hunting and she, as an estate agent, had arrived to show us around the house-for-sale. She had introduced herself less than a minute earlier. She had even given me her business card – which…

Those really awkward conversations… Have you ever been in one of those awkward situations where – you feel tense, – the other person is tense and, as the stilted conversation continues, – things become more and more tense and uncomfortable for both of you? This ‘conversational tension’ was the bane of my life in my early days as…

How we create our moods Here in England it’s almost a national pastime, complaining about the weather, that is. Shakespeare said that nothing was good or bad – thinking made it so! And 800 years ago Wumen Huikai’s had a view about our attitude towards the weather… In spring, hundreds of flowers In autumn, a…

  The ‘Satir Stress Modes’ Virginia Satir identified that we move into one or more of 4 modes of behaviour and reaction when under pressure – we blame others, or placate them, or distract their attention, or become cool/cold and super-reasonable. The Blamer: in Blamer mode we find fault with anyone and everyone – except…

Spot the conversation hijack! It’s become a morning sporting event; spot the hijack! One of our local radio stations has a presenter who is a master of the conversation hijack. He can turn any topic around to himself in seconds: conversation with the weather or traffic or business support team, interview with a guest, or…

Those ‘Rabbit in the headlights’ moments What to do when you’re ‘put on the spot’ The ‘Rabbit in the Headlights’ moments Most of us have been there from time to time.  Some of us find ourselves there all-too-frequently. You’re put on the spot – you’re suddenly challenged. Or accused. Or questioned. Or required to explain…

How to free yourself from a ‘bad habit’ A bad habit is just a means to an end. It’s a way of having certain feelings. Or avoiding other feelings. Or both. It’s a way of managing your mood – and we looked at this in Part 1 of this article “Bad Habits do a good…

Worry: Mental Rehearsal for failure Worrying is normal. We all to do it, at times. We worry about how we’ll handle an important event, such as a job interview, presentation or appraisal. Or exam. Sports or arts performance. And the more important this event, the more worried we become… We imagine we’ll forget things, or…

Giving presents is a ‘funny’ process. And a slightly complicated one, too, if you think about it… if you delve a little deeper – under the bonnet – which is what we do in NLP… On the surface we give a present because… We want to see the joy and surprise when they open it?…

You have to be careful if you want to be good at hating people. For example, you must take care not to get to know them. This could spoil everything. If you get to know someone you could easily be side-tracked into seeing them as humans like yourself and even as likeable.

How do you respond to challenges? I can do this!   or   I can’t do this! Some people approach challenges or unfamiliar situations with Possibility Thinking – others with Impossibility Thinking. Each attitude directly affects your thinking and your actions… as well as the results you get. Henry Ford is supposed to have said something…