Influence: getting your own way…?

Influence - dominance or cooperation

The cold call: how not to sell The cold call, or unsolicited sales call, was a fascinating example of how not to sell. Normally I politely refuse to continue with such calls but I wasn’t particularly busy when he phoned so I let him talk on, curious to discover how the carefully rehearsed sales pitch…

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Be careful with WHY? questions

Be careful with Why? questions

Treat ‘Why?’ as an attack question! We pay a lot of attention to words in NLP. We think about: What’s the thinking behind the words and comments How they impact people The intention behind them – why they are used. For example, take that little word WHY?  Harmless enough, isn’t it? After all, it’s a little word…

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Reframe life’s setbacks

Stay flexible - reframe events to suit you

Sorry, we’ve got to change your appointment My quarterly appointment with the dental hygienist was at 11:40 AM today. The practice is about 30 minutes away so I was due to leave at about 11 AM.  And I got a phone call from the receptionist at 9:40 AM to say that she was ‘ever so…

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“Science says” … Let babies cry themselves to sleep…???

Scientific research as reported by the media

a It’s ‘scientifically proven!’ – it must be TRUE And, yes, the above quotation is correct – or, at least, is accurately quoted.. Which is not quite the same thing. ‘Science’ says that letting babies cry themselves to sleep is a good thing… If you believe the news of recent ‘scientific research’. If you forget…

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Low Self-Confidence is an accident…

low self confidence - action steps

We don’t decide to have low self-confidence We develop the Low Self-Confidence habit when we’re very young, almost invariably. It usually begins as a result of how people treat us and communicate with us – plus how we make sense of things which happen to us.  Once begun, the habit is maintained by how we think about…

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The ‘Low Self-Confidence Habit’ (1)

Low self confidence and learning to walk (1)

Low Self Confidence is a habit – not a condition People often talk about having low self-esteem or low self-confidence as if these were ‘things’ or aberrant mental conditions that need expert help or treatment. They are not.  And, though linked, the two are not exactly the same. What’s more, this way of thinking dis-empowers…

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Forever “going-to” begin things?

Beware of enterprises that require new clothes - Thoreau

“Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes”! With just 8 words Henry David Thoreau encapsulates a common and every effective self-deception tactic. Which is used by many of us – as a way of ‘not’ taking action on big projects. Instead of taking action we get involved in time-consuming and complex and sometimes expensive preparations as…

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The 3 Things Game

Think of three things which were...

Think of three moments which were This is a simple rapport-creating (and thought-provoking) – game or experiment which I came up with a few days ago. It’s good for getting interesting conversations and interesting trains of thought going. And you can play it with friends or family … or with yourself. Select a few 3’s…

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4 NLP ways to jump-start rapport

NLP and rapport

Rapport: how to feel at ease with people We feel ‘in rapport’ with someone when we are in tune with each other i.e. when we’re on the same wavelength. Or share a mutual respect for one another. Or share strong common interests. We can be in rapport with one person – or with a group of people e.g. family,…

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The 10% New approach in action

Staying in the ‘stretch’ – just! by Matt Swain Pegasus NLP has a model called ‘10% New’; it has a nice ring to it and means constantly stretching ourselves.  The more we stay in stretch the more our unconscious recognises this and re-normalises our comfort zone. When I began with Pegasus many years ago, middle…

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Light candles – or curse the dark!

An unseasonable  summer in the UK Here in the UK we’ve had an ‘unseasonable’ summer. Since the latter part of July when the schools broke up for their summer holidays the weather has changed from being warm and balmy to cool, wet, blustery and quite unpleasant for those people, who still expect typical summer weather…

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Make goals achievable in small steps

John Naber’s Olympic Gold strategy The was a team-helper on the US swimming team at the 1972 Olympics in Munich. He was a training partner to Mark Spitz, who won 7 gold medals, and was also in the relay team but was dropped from team in the finals in favour of more well-known names. Back…

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Use your body to change your mind

Physical ways to feel good Sometimes positive thinking just doesn’t shift a negative mood.  It’s as if the negative mood has such a grip that stronger stuff is needed. And that’s exactly what’s happening. Mind and body are feeding one another in a negative cycle and you need to break this cycle physically.  And if you’ve been…

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The Christmas card thing

Be careful what you ask for… One of the things I’ve always associated with Christmas was lines of Christmas cards on the mantelpiece and just about any flat surface in the living room. This association goes right back to when I was a child. Then about 10-12 years ago I totted up the cost of…

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Let them offload first

Conversations with some people are a bit like this. They have to ‘get it off their chest’ before they are able to listen. They are not selfish. They are not disinterested in what you have to say. They simply need a few moments while they think aloud. Yes, okay, sometimes they do need quite a few moments especially if it is something they are worked up about – like ‘the situation at work’. When they are excited, or angry, or confused, or worried they’ve got all this stuff going on inside – images and feelings and words. Their thoughts and emotions are in a whirl.

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What can NLP do for me?

The short answer to the question ‘how can I use NLP?’ is that often there isn’t a short answer. And what’s the slightly less-short answer? It’s usually better to first use NLP ‘map out’ the problem to identify how it works. Just doing this can have a huge impact.

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Teamwork, moving a tent, and an NLP group in the New Forest

When team members are not required or encouraged to compete with one another this ‘pulling together’ usually happens spontaneously. And this is an opportunity missed by so many organisations: the ones which talk a good talk about how ‘we’re all part of a team’ – and then go on to kill this ideal by requiring people to compete with one another for career advancement!

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How to turn your workable plan into… action

The NLP Disney Strategy for turning wishes and dreams into workable plans gets things ready to get the ball rolling. Once you’ve got your Plan it’s time to get it actually rolling – and keep it rolling.
For this you need (1) Milestones + Action Steps and (2) Motivation to stick at it. This article explains how..

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Use NLP to turn wishes into workable plans

The NLP Disney Strategy  (1) ‘Well, I had this great idea once…but…’ How many great ideas have you come up with… and never followed through on them? Going for that new job or promotion? Or the exercise and weight management programme that would make all the difference? Or the new business venture you were thinking…

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What makes a 'good' handshake?

A handshake only lasts two or three seconds yet it can influence how the other person feels about you for a long time. This article contains a few tips on making a good physical impression.

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Internet security & that eBay Password fiasco

eBay took over 3 months to tell people their passwords had been hacked. Using a Password Manager would not have protected you – but the complex passwords such programmes can generate would have deterred all but the most determined and resourceful hackers

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NLP & Negative Anchors or 'Hot Buttons'

Negative hot buttons It happens to everyone from time to time. One minute you’re in a great mood, thinking clearly, looking on the bright side of life. Then something happens and your mood changes and you feel down or irritable. Your work colleague: has a particular look or smile which you find irritating or patronising. …

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‘Live in Day-Tight Compartments’

It’s a common and quite uncomfortable experience: life suddenly seems too complex, there’s too much to deal with, too many insurmountable problems – and you just want to hide away from it all. Everything has bunched up to create an emotional log-jam! Deal with this in three stages…

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Listen to their language

…and your own language Typical local news headline: “Woman, 85, injured in collision with bus.” Why is it never the much more likely “Bus in collision with woman”? After all it’s hardly likely that she ran along the footpath, put on a burst of speed and launched herself at the bus. Language, how messages are…

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Customer service is now about individuals – not statistics

“Your call is important to us…” As the snow settled in last March the central heating boiler stopped working on a Friday afternoon. Fortunately I have an annual contract with a well-known service organisation. So I phoned them. I worked my way through the almost inevitable ‘press 1 for this, press 2 for that, press…

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