If you always do what you've always done

If you always do what you’ve always done you always get what you’ve always got This is a saying which we use a lot in NLP: “if you always do what you’ve always done you always get what you’ve always got.” By the way, the slogan is not exclusive to NLP. It’s one of the ways…

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NLP is not a technique

‘The NLP Technique’ I’m amazed at the number of individuals, websites and blogs which describe NLP or Neuro-Linguistic Programming as a set of techniques or, even worse and from a recent national newspaper headline in which NLP is described as ‘a technique’! Over 40 years ago, back in the early to mid 70’s, Richard Bandler,…

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Cop our or weasel words

Those cop-out or weasel words In NLP we aim to be very thorough in how we communicate with people – and, especially, in how we understand them. Because we want to get both their surface message and their underlying or real messages – it’s the difference, sometimes, between what a person says and what they…

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Introduce change - 10% New every day or two

Mind, mood and our ‘energy levels’ It’s amazing how powerfully our moods can impact our vitality. And how our gloomy or negative moods can quickly blend into one another to become our attitude. And how this attitude soon affects our physical feelings – and in particular our vitality or ‘energy levels’. It’s because mind and…

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“Sorry, I’ve forgotten your name!” That was me. Speaking to Jacqui yesterday! I’d just met her. At the time we were house-hunting and she, as an estate agent, had arrived to show us around the house-for-sale. She had introduced herself less than a minute earlier. She had even given me her business card – which…

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Soft Eyes: how to use your eyes to relax yourself - and others

Those really awkward conversations… Have you ever been in one of those awkward situations where – you feel tense, – the other person is tense and, as the stilted conversation continues, – things become more and more tense and uncomfortable for both of you? This ‘conversational tension’ was the bane of my life in my early days as…

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Petty People at work Petty People like to divide and conquer – to play the ‘enemies and allies’ game. In their eyes, you’re either with them or against them.  Side with them and life is fine. Disagree with them and they’ll aim to make life miserable for you.  With Petty People you’re either with them…

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How to have a negative attitude

How we create our moods Here in England it’s almost a national pastime, complaining about the weather, that is. Shakespeare said that nothing was good or bad – thinking made it so! And 800 years ago Wumen Huikai’s had a view about our attitude towards the weather… In spring, hundreds of flowers In autumn, a…

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Rapport: an old, risky NLP method

How not to create rapport: mirroring One traditional, and risky, way of using NLP to create rapport is by matching a person’s body language. In NLP we call this process matching or ‘mirroring’ So if I use mirroring to get into rapport with you I could match your behaviour in one or more ways. I…

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Virginia Satir's 4 Stress Modes

  The ‘Satir Stress Modes’ Virginia Satir identified that we move into one or more of 4 modes of behaviour and reaction when under pressure – we blame others, or placate them, or distract their attention, or become cool/cold and super-reasonable. The Blamer: in Blamer mode we find fault with anyone and everyone – except…

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